![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bodldopsI seem to be on a mission to depress myself today. Not that it's too hard. So I'm gonna put everything I've been brooding over on here and attempt to forget about it, since only one of things I can fix, and that's going to take a while. No easy fixes here, no sir.
Brood-topic the first:
I've never been kissed. Never had a boyfriend, never been on a date... the whole deeper relationship thing has never happened. Now, I have guy friends. Not as many as I have girl friends, but that's mostly because I work in a field that is currently dominated by women. Still... am I really that ugly? Or is it something else... am I too brash, too outspoken, too shy, too tom-boyish... I wish someone would tell me. Shoot, my little sis has already gone through two guys, and she's five years younger than me. Of course, she's cute as a buggy's ear, and the two guys have been a pair of absolute losers. One was borderline stalker... but, at least they _looked_ at her. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea of _anyone_ looking at my kid sis that way, but... humph.
There's this picture that my Grandma had painted over in Saudi Arabia from a picture my mom sent her. I keep it in my closet. Why don't I hang it, you ask? Well... I have a birthmark. It's not that obvious now (or it could be, I don't know, I don't really notice it anymore), but it was blatantly obvious when I was a kid. The painter obviously didn't like that version of me, and took the birthmark out. I'm a pretty cute kid in that piccy. Too bad it isn't me. Sometimes I wonder, if I had been that kid in the piccy, if I wouldn't be in this situation now.
*groans* Heavens, but I'm shallow. But then, I don't mind it so much... but I wonder if it's what's keeping guys at bay. I don't know, and since I don't, I can't fix it.
Brood-topic the second:
I feel so fat. Just... heavy, unweildy, awkward... six months ago I was doing great, and then... I don't know what happened. Not enough running over Christmas, a bit too much celebration... something. I am working on it, but I'm impatient. I want to be back where I was _now_. I went running today, and felt the entire time like I was swathed in a thick blanket... I'm gonna beat this one though. I know the principles, I know what works for me, and I'm gonna beat it.
Brood-topic the first:
I've never been kissed. Never had a boyfriend, never been on a date... the whole deeper relationship thing has never happened. Now, I have guy friends. Not as many as I have girl friends, but that's mostly because I work in a field that is currently dominated by women. Still... am I really that ugly? Or is it something else... am I too brash, too outspoken, too shy, too tom-boyish... I wish someone would tell me. Shoot, my little sis has already gone through two guys, and she's five years younger than me. Of course, she's cute as a buggy's ear, and the two guys have been a pair of absolute losers. One was borderline stalker... but, at least they _looked_ at her. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea of _anyone_ looking at my kid sis that way, but... humph.
There's this picture that my Grandma had painted over in Saudi Arabia from a picture my mom sent her. I keep it in my closet. Why don't I hang it, you ask? Well... I have a birthmark. It's not that obvious now (or it could be, I don't know, I don't really notice it anymore), but it was blatantly obvious when I was a kid. The painter obviously didn't like that version of me, and took the birthmark out. I'm a pretty cute kid in that piccy. Too bad it isn't me. Sometimes I wonder, if I had been that kid in the piccy, if I wouldn't be in this situation now.
*groans* Heavens, but I'm shallow. But then, I don't mind it so much... but I wonder if it's what's keeping guys at bay. I don't know, and since I don't, I can't fix it.
Brood-topic the second:
I feel so fat. Just... heavy, unweildy, awkward... six months ago I was doing great, and then... I don't know what happened. Not enough running over Christmas, a bit too much celebration... something. I am working on it, but I'm impatient. I want to be back where I was _now_. I went running today, and felt the entire time like I was swathed in a thick blanket... I'm gonna beat this one though. I know the principles, I know what works for me, and I'm gonna beat it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-09 10:24 pm (UTC)First off, I've seen piccys of you, and even if they weren't recent, I could tell that your looks certainly aren't scaring off guys. You're prettier than I am, honestly. I didn't notice any kind of birthmark at all.
I think that intellect scares a lot of guys off, because, to be honest, a lot of guys are jerks. If they see that you're not going to be stupid enough to let them play games with you, then they won't bother to try.
Besideswhich, you are pleasantly weird, and therefore need a guy that is also pleasantly weird. These are not common, unfortunately.
So looks haven't got anything to do with it...Maybe you haven't had an idiot or two because you don't look like Britney Spears, but that's not a bad thing at all.
I'm not much of one to talk. I have kissed a guy, yes, and even gone on a couple of 'dates' but I've never had a serious relationship, or a real boyfriend. Right now, it dosen't bother me too much, though, but occasionally it does get depressing.
Seems that you're kinda like me. I'm the last one who's good at giving advice on how to find a boyfriend(seeing as I can't do it myself), but I can tell you that it's not your looks, and I doubt that you're so shy/tom-boy-ish/outspoken/etc. that you're scaring off potential boyfriends.
You'll see. Before long, you'll have a guy who completely adores and admires you(because you are an uber-smart person, and uber-spiffy overall, not to mention a wonderful pal), and I'll be extremely jealous. XD
As for being in shape...Rest assured, you are inifnitely more athletic and in shape than I am. >_>